Fun Red, White, and Blue Fashion Ideas

Hey guys! I thought since it’s America month, I could show you some fun red, white, and blue fashion ideas!


That’s a nice look! It has all 3 of the colors of our United States flag! This is Pamela Anderson, who is initially from Canada. Just goes to show you everyone in the universe loves the USA! I think Pam is wearing long gloves so she can examine dinosaur poop because they look like gloves that Dr. Ellie Satler wore in Jurassic Park when she rifled through that triceratops dookie!

Pam is probably wearing that hat to keep herself cool while she’s in the hot sun, and so that she will be allowed in Cowboy restaurants and saloons (you’ve gotta dress like cowboys to get in!).

I think Pam is wearing those boots to handle some rough terrain of some sort, or maybe she’s just gonna ride on some horsies. She’s wearing her shoes on the couch, and you have to be careful when you do that, because some people think it’s rude! I hope you asked for permission first, Pam! LOL!

Pam’s bathing suit bottoms look a LITTLE skimpy, so if you’re going swimming on a Sunday, you probably want to hold off on putting these on until after you’ve already gone to church! Why can’t you be sexy in church? I don’t know guys, I don’t make the rules! Maybe you should give it a try and people will like it! Anyway, these bathing suit bottoms don’t provide much coverage, so if you’ve got a rash on your hiney you might want to wear something that covers more buttcheeks!

This is Ke$ha! She sings funny songs with silly words that don’t always make sense but girls like it because she wears glitter and the beats are pretty good! Ke$ha looks tiiiiiired! She must have woken up on the 4th of July morning feelin’ like P-Diddy! JK, LOL! It looks like she couldn’t find any clothes, but she’s chill and resourceful, so she just said

“f*ck it, somebody grab me a flag! I’m just gonna belt that son of a bitch across my belly button!”. This is a great costume choice if you want to be mostly naked. If you’re a girl, people will probably enjoy that! Ke$ha is also wearing cowboy boots, so she might be riding horsies or traveling on some rough terrain, too! This looks like it would be really fun to smoke cigarettes in.

Here’s a fun idea, slap some party favors on your dome! It looks like those “USA” letters might be candles! Be careful not to light those when they’re still on your head or you’ll melt all your hair off and look like Sinead O’Connor or GI Jane you silly geese! As you may have noticed, Miley’s also wearing a whole lot of jean, which I understand is also known as “denim”. That is a pretty American choice and I salute it. Miley is also wearing a necklace that plops right into her cleavage, which is an excellent idea for any of you girls who hate it when guys make eye contact with you.


This is Brooke Adams, also known as Miss Tessmacher. She wrestles for my favorite professional wrestling promotion, Impact Wrestling ( and is a former Knockout Champion.

My ex girlfriend used to say that I was about 3 facebook photos likes of Brooke away from a full blown relationship. That’s an exaggeration, guys. I haven’t even met her yet! How could we date?

Brooke is wearing a very patriotic combination here from her shoes, to the shorts, to the star-spangled tanktop. She’s even gone to the trouble of finding a baby-sized American flag to wave around, and she’s saluting which I assume is for the troops which is never a bad idea.

I wouldn’t recommend standing like this for too long though, because I can’t imagine it’s very good for your back. In fairness, they could have just caught an action shot of her farting & saluting at the same time.


This is a great costume choice if you are a dog.


These are some other great costume choices for your pets if you’re the type of pet owner that has full blown conversations with your pets, likes to update your friends on how you think your pet is feeling, and / or kisses your pet(s) on the mouth.

This just seems impractical unless you’re going swimming and paintballing in the same day. Sorry, Jessica. Nick Lachey is better off.

The danger in wearing this outfit is the pants. What if you get diarrhea and you’ve got to rip those puppies off in an instant?

The danger in wearing this outfit would be if you have a predominant camel toe, which is why you’ll never see me in it 😦 .

Okay, this is great. Just, everything about it. Let me tell you about what I came across when I was searching for it, though. I was typing “Kate Upton Red White & Blue” in Google but before I finished it showed a search for “Kate Upton Real Or Fake”. (A) (For the men Googling) Really? You think this is relevant information to you? You might be getting to 2nd base with Kate Upton? (B) Let’s play along & say you could, you would actually CARE whether they were “REAL” or not? These are BOOBS, not GROCERIES, who gives a shit if they’re organic.‎ “Yeah, I just hooked up with Kate Upton … but … her boobs felt firmer than I expected … I’m not sure they’re real … :(“. <— That = Never happening. If it somehow does, screw that guy. Boobs are awesome. Don’t complicate it. Whether they are made by God or made in Silicone Valley, they’re great.

All right, I think I’m out on that note.

Thanks for your time!



Joe McCaffrey (Ask Joe)

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About Joe McCaffrey

Sometimes I teach. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I give advice. Sometimes I make people laugh. Sometimes I party. I write stuff for the comedy website and I do some stand-up comedy.
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